Inquiries
FAQ
The questions we receive more than once, answered with as much authority as we actually have.
Is this real communion?
That is a question for your tradition, your conscience, and possibly an argument you were already having. We sell juice, yeast, a claustrum fermentationis, crackers, and cloth. His Holiness provides a blessing that he is the first to describe as non-authoritative. We do not sell a ruling.
Why is the juice not already wine?
Because juice ships as juice. Wine ships as a conversation with a government. The yeast is included so that the conversation, if you want it, can happen in your kitchen, which is a jurisdiction we do not claim.
Is the pope a real pope?
His Holiness Pope Linus II was elected by a conclave that fit around a folding table. No episcopal conference has written us back. He signs the packing slips anyway. See The Pontiff.
Do I need the garb?
No. The meal does not require polyester. The catalog offers a stole, a collar, an alb, and a bib because some households like the table to look expected. Cloth is optional. Crackers are less optional if you intended to have crackers.
Will this ferment in transit?
Not if you leave the yeast packets sealed, which is the entire point of packets. If a bottle arrives restless, write to the warehouse and also to whoever packed it next to a heater.
Do you ship outside the United States and Canada?
Not at this time. The See of St. Grape has a modest map. Tariffs may apply even inside that map. See Shipping & Tariffs.
Can I complete an order today?
You may fill a cart. Checkout is temporarily unavailable. The Pontifical Fulfillment Desk is intact, named, and not taking payment. This is a known condition and not a test of faith.
Is this a joke?
The footer says the site is satirical, which is the one doctrinal statement we are willing to print in sans-serif. The catalog is still arranged as a catalog. Please read both.